Naked flirt profile Chatrome del patogh

Damn boy u must be my GPA because I know I could do better I’m just too lazy to actually try Feed me pizza and tell me I’m pretty and the odds of butt stuff is def in your favor Daddy issues and a low self esteem, holla! But if a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she’s called a slut, and people think this is unfair… To be a stud you have to be witty, charming, be well-dressed, have nice shoes, and a fake job. There are fat ugly sluts out there, there are not fat ugly studs. I think that’s all you need to know I’ll make you dessert, if you don’t like it, there is always me ;)The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergilicious and it’s at the part where she says “I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he’s my witness” I can point to him and he’ll do the little ” woo OOH” part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful because right after the woo OOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harder than you think Tessticles (haha that’s Tinder gold! Mirror selfies, rig shots and roid monkeys need not apply. I look like a kid, if you are into that kinda thing. A kiss makes my whole day, but anal makes my hole weak I’m grown up but not grown, grown. If I’m interested, I’ll place my underpants on the table. Return them washed, and we will consummate passionately. A plus if you wear my mom’s perfume and fit perfectly in the void she left.

Nah, it’s completely fair, and I’ll tell you why, alright? Dating black girls is really a plus because you don’t have to worry about meeting their fathers. I’m outdoorsy in the sense that I like to get drunk on patios. I just want a guy to buy me flowers, send me a million cute texts an call me mine, I’ll make you food so wife me up. Just be John Cusack outside my window with a boombox. After going out for four years you decide to propose. My nickname is Gillette because I’m the best a man can get. I hate playing head games unless they involve the mouth. Which means I know how to ride a di** but I’m still not sure how taxes work. I work at subway so I’m pretty much an expert on 6 inches and I make some damn good sandwiches.

At the very least, you’ll be amazed, possibly appalled, at what other people are writing! Which means I know how to ride a d*ck but I’m still not sure how taxes work. No thanks…if I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I’d have dinner with my parents. The main instances when a girl will read your bio is after you send them an opener or when she wants to send you the first message – she’ll do a little background check to find something to say (guy’s take note, read their profile as well! So including some bio information that will be a conversation point is a good idea.

Spitters are quitters Let’s have a who’s better in bed contest. Literally just want a shag, why else would I have tinder and my first picture be me in a bikini I’ve got fake tits and a fake personality. Don’t ask me to “send some pics.” Take me out on a date, buy me some food, and try to get me naked at the end like a f*cking gentleman.500 characters isn’t really enough to demonstrate my wit and intelligence so just look at my banging cleavage for now. But if you can’t think of anything to write, a unique photo to help spark conversation can also have the same effect.

You gotta marry someone you know you’d still be down to fuck in the laundry room real quick while the kids are downstairs watching Lion King & ten minutes left till the dinosaur nuggets are read to come out the oven. Skills I have acquired over a very long sexual career. I can nail an arrow in the back of your skull at over 100 yards. PS: all I eat is mozzarella sticks, Doritos, and di*k. My tits and I have one thing in common and that’s we’re a little bit more than a handful. I love cookies, anal and milk If you like your women like you like your microwaves look no further: Cool on the outside. I like long walks down the beach and …I just wanna make out, cuddle in baggy clothes while watching movies and I dunno maybe put my hand down your pants… You can also find me on Sniffr (it’s like Tinder but for dogs)5 Stars: “A perfect gentleman” – Anonymous Tinder woman.5 Stars: “Made 50 Shades of Grey seem as tame as the Teletubbies” – Anonymous Tinder Woman1 Star: “Stop asking me for a review you weirdo” – Anonymous Tinder Woman5 Stars: “So sweet” – Mark’s mum So you’re looking for ‘the one’ huh? but you’ll be so sexually starved when you do that you’ll fu*k him on the first date, he will lose interest, the sweet texts will stop and you’ll be all alone with your pizza rolls swiping left and right again while he dates someone that’s challenging enough to keep his interest for longer than a weekend. The slowest drink at the saddest bar on the snowiest day in the greatest city.

If you like protein shakes, and getting caught at the gym, if you’re not into crossfit, if you have half a brain, if you like making gains at midnight, while curling in the squat rack, I’m the love that you’ve looked for, message me and be swole m8It’s tinder, let’s be real you just want my tits I don’t know who you are. I’m not the type of girl you have to hold in farts for, but rather the type of girl you want to hold in farts for. Every single time a man sleeps with a lot of women, he’s called a stud. The only hair between my legs should be your beard Horseback rider. It’s whatever…I’m currently in a three way open relationship with my two female housemates if that’s going to be an issue.“You gotta consult the cutie before you go touching that booty” – Ancient proverb Swipe right if you’re tired of masturbating. Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence. I keep 300 heifers satisfied every day, looking to make that 301Medium-small penis.

Kinda girl you would take home to your mom but would blow you on the way there. On our first date I will carve our initials into a tree. I offer to go to the movies but you are tired/have to do laundry.

I’ll still kiss you after you give me a rim job and I do a lot of yoga. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. I hunt, fish, critique porn and thoroughly enjoy getting stoned in the woods with Mary Jane and Jack. Let’s recreate the Human Centipede and sew your mouth to my butthole. Boys call me Dumbledore cause I’m the head master The C and the L are silent. It may make me sound like a whore, but as long as you open and hold my door, I will straight up fuck you then and there on the floor Women seeks hostile man for mutual psychological torture, co-dependency and future divorce. If your dog is cute, I’ll probably look through your photos twice and I’ll still kiss you after you give me a rim job and I do a lot of yoga. I’d like to cover you in peanut butter and see how much I could lick off before my peanut butter allergy killed me. The only thing that’s not goofy about me is my stance. I’m [Your Name] and I cuddle at a level that should require a paid subscription. one night older Hobbies: boning your mom and getting shredded.

But who’s caring, because let’s be honest, you’re gonna swipe right coz I’m fit. At first when people found out they called me a freak, now they just call me, all the time. Gonna get tattoos of dogs on my arms and then get really buff so when I a fly cutie I can be like “excuse me, but do you know where a vet is? From the hundreds of Tinder profile improvement reviews and testing that we’ve done, here are the biggest mistakes you need to avoid: If you’re in doubt whether to add in a piece of information or funny comment, leave it out!

because I’ve got some SICK PUPPIES” and then I’ll flex so hard my shirt sleeves rip and they’re blown away by my arms, my devotion to dogs and my sense of humour Professional Eugoogoolizer at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. I’m just going to answer the question for you: yes they are real.. If you want to have fun and flirty conversations that lead to dates and hookups, you MUST send a great first message that makes a girl take notice of you. A great bio may help your Tinder results slightly, but a poor bio will definitely devastate any chance of success.

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