Funny personal dating ads
For many years, such ads ran in the back of magazines like New York, where they were collected in a column called “Strictly Personals,” written and paid for by folks on the lookout for love.
In those analog days, you had to call a 1-900 number to “hear the voice behind the ad,” after entering the four-number code at the end of their listing.
Lots of flaws accepted, if accompanied by sufficient warmth, humor. 7262 The longer you write, the more you have to pay. Single Jewish woman, 32, nonsmoker, social worker, politically aware, unusually compassionate, likes theater, square dance. — Are you a single Jewish woman, 18–27, who is adventurous and a bit daring? Do you want children and a traditional Jewish family? 9399 Add points for using “passion” for the Stairmaster to indicate you like to stay in shape without saying something as tawdry as “I like to stay in shape.” Subtract points for having “passion” for the Stairmaster. For Your Eyes Only — Optometrist — can write prescription for looking at life through rose-colored lenses.
(In 1992, when this ad ran, that was a line, with a two-line minimum.) So this woman, whose missive goes on for 17 lines, shows that she’s very much willing to invest in the right guy (1! Seeks responsible, full-time employed man, 28–45, who believes that ultimately the purpose of life is to make the world a better place and is at least a little troubled by the concept of abortion. Then, a life of luxury, sensuality and excitement can be yours with this dynamic, wealthy, 31-year-old, Jewish-Australian business tycoon. Brown-Eyed Girl — Attractive, long-legged Jewish woman, MD, with passion for rock & roll, Szechuan food, romantic comedies and the Stairmaster, seeking handsome professional man who can make me laugh. Single Jewish male, 29, Cornell grad, muscular, 6’, nonsmoker.
Must wear size five shoes." "When I was thirty my dates had to be young, tall, handsome, rich, intelligent.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.
I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, Call (xxx) xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.""Male Seeking Female, 28 years old, 6’ 4” tall.
Also, women go for leggy as a self-descriptor, while men often choose handsome and tall. The only girls I’ve been meeting are very beautiful, very depressed, very bulimic and very dysfunctional. Moderately Famous — Academic scientist, fireside philosopher — attractive, tall, athletic, Manhattan-based, divorced white male of 52 years, with warmth, wit, convertible, canoe and Upper West Side real estate — seeks outrageously bright, attractive, and largely happy woman under 40, who, in the unlikely event that all should seem right, would be willing to consider marriage and children. Also, kind of captivated by “largely happy” and “unlikely event that all should seem right.” Hopes: appropriately middling. Witty, Warm Woman — Late 40s, attractive, interesting, outdoorsy, degreed, solvent, looking for easygoing Alan Alda/Garrison Keillor type.
A lot of people try to be clever, others play it so straight it’s a little cringeworthy: just like today, and yet, retro! If you are from a functional family and are attractive, intelligent, well-read, focused, sarcastic, and not taking Prozac — let’s get together and celebrate. Lovely, Lively, Literate — Lean, Lollobrigida-like NY lady — longs for love, laughter, languid lunches, lunar libations, with legally-free, long, lean, literate, loquacious non-lunatic, 40s–50s. Should like animals, kids, farms, antiques, comfortable clothes and the company of close friends.