Dating a senior bachelor
I just don’t have to confer with anyone else, and I like that.” For the Record Los Angeles Times Thursday September 26, 1991 Home Edition View Part E Page 4 Column 6 View Desk 2 inches; 64 words Type of Material: Correction Singles data--In a story published in Wednesday’s View, an editing error reversed the ratio of unmarried men and women over age 50.Unmarried women over 50 outnumber unmarried men the same age by 20-1 in Southern California, according to Terry Hopwood of Marriage Minded Introductions.Many of the men studied were apparently troubled that they would probably never become fathers--57% said they would like to have children.
While half said their parents’ marriages were unhappy, only four experienced their parents’ divorce.“What these men may have experienced is, one, marriage is not the happiest experience in the world. As a group, these men also tended to experience sexual relationships later in life, compared to their friends, and were, overall, less sexually active.And they weren’t amenable to a female broaching the subject.Not surprisingly, he says: “Discussion of marriage became a reason to end a relationship.”Never-Married Men The percentage of never-married white males, age 35 and older continues to increase.Waehler has not studied racial and ethnic variations of this trend but notes that census data show never-married black men 40 and older are about twice as likely as white men to stay single. These are men who want to be autonomous.”Other experts on bachelors--the world’s matchmakers--agree. He may find out: ‘My goodness, I thought I wanted to get married, but maybe I don’t.’ ”Waehler found the men in his study used three unconscious “defenses” to fend off marriage.(In 1990, 6.75% of white women ages 40 to 44 had never married.) But while the phenomenon of the single woman has been analyzed in detail by writers and sociologists throughout the ‘80s, permanent bachelorhood is not well understood, Waehler says, adding that: “I wanted to know how much truth there is to the myths and stereotypes of these men, because the myths tend to be negative.”Bachelors have long been viewed by society as women-haters, attached to a parent, unhealthy, disabled, fixated on a lost love, workaholics or playboys.“People say: ‘What’s wrong with these gentlemen? Andy Myers, president of the Network Club, a video dating service in Tarzana, says his never-married, over-40 male clients “need a relationship but they don’t need marriage. The men tended to:* Be passive, under-assertive and reluctant to force themselves on other people.* Repress their feelings and remain cooly detached from their experiences.* Distort their self-images.
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Also, census data used in the story does not differentiate between heterosexual and homosexual men who have never married. Contrary to a stereotype that lifelong bachelors are unhappy, unhealthy or even deviant, a new study indicates that many middle-age men say they don’t want or need marriage, says psychologist Charles A. In a small but revealing study of 30 white, heterosexual men over age 40 who have never married, Waehler found that half were happy, successful and satisfied with single status.